Magic Mike (2012)

Magic Mike is an uplifting romp about four homosexuals who go on journey of self-discovery through a magical world known as the Raninbow Rectoruium. The homosexuals Steve (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Bruce (Mark Ruffalo) and Clint (Jeremey Renner) first meet up at a male strip joint where they have gone to see Grace Jones in a recreation of her performance in the movie Vamp.

This leads to them doing ecstasy and going home to screw each other deep in their assholes.

In the morning they all awake in terrible pain because of their buttholes are sore.  They are also missing a friend named Rex (Bradley Cooper) and find that he is on the roof of the hotel, but they just leave him there to die because they hate him because he sucks.   They decide that they want to try having sex with a woman but don’t know how to be straight. They overhear of a place called The Rainbow Rectorium from an old British man (a neat cameo from Gabriel Byrne) who opens the portal so they can go to it. As it turns out, this is the world where Thor is originally from and has repressed memories about it. He comes to grips about his heritage as the rightful aire to the throne in the Rainbow Rectorium and vows to defeat his evil brother Licky.

Once in the portal, they meet a beautiful naked woman named Ivy (played by Scarlett Johansen) who is able to show them the wonders of the female body (after sending nude pics of herself to them via her cellphone) and takes turns screwing off them, and therefore reverting them back to their natural state of heterosexuality.

Some infighting begins amongst the group about who of them is really straight and who is really gay. Thor and Bruce get into a pretty big brawl about who is the most manly, meanwhile Thor’s evil brother sneaks out. They have to find a way to come together once more and team up to defeat Licky and his minions and get back to making love with Ivy.

Former pro-wrestler Kevin Nash makes an appearance (as seen pictured on the left in the movie’s poster) as a burly bodyguard for Satan named Super Shredder who has a fetish for young boys. The four heroes are forced to turn into mutant turtles to defeat him and they are then reverted back to their human selves by Alex Winters.

Later on they are waylaid by John Travolta and Tom Cruise (playing as themselves) who try to molest our heroes. Steve almost succumbs and becomes a gay again, but Katie Holmes flashes them her tits and makes him straight once more. They are then able to easily vanquish the foes and get back to being on the straight and narrow!

All in all it’s an okay movie. It’s nothing truly groundbreaking, but it will make you smile once or twice at the shenanigans on display.  The acting is ok for this type of film, it’s more about the action and comedy aspects.

It’s worth a watch at a budget theater if you can wait that long to see it.

And no, there is no one in the movie named Mike.

~ by deathstalker2 on July 10, 2012.

2 Responses to “Magic Mike (2012)”

  1. I told myself I would NEVER watch this film, but after your review I’m not so sure now.

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