Adventures in Telemarketing part 2: The Sequel!

So Wednesday comes along and I trot on down to Ravencroft Interiors to finalize the process of snagging a job. I go in and introduce myself to a bespectacled woman who is probably around 50 something but a bad looking 50 something. Port bellied, nappy hair, two teeth. Constant worried look on her face. She’s wearing a shirt with “I PRAY” written on it in the E-bay font/color.


Her's was actually black.

She then asks me some questions about marketing and my experience in it at Electrolux then goes all off topic asking me about prices for their vacuum cleaners. Finally she hires me. Business starts at 3 p.m. and goes on until 9 p.m. I’m filling out paperwork with my back to the door, when another employee opens it and walks in. It’s a rather tall black man with sunglasses on, dressed casually. Sorta like if Blade the vampire hunter dressed in American Eagle. I say hey to him and I hear a woman’s voice say “how you doin’?” WTF!!!!! I sit there puzzled for a few seconds, wondering if it is my eyes or ears that are playing tricks on me. I am then introduced to this “person”. His name is Kelly and he is the most obnoxious person I’ve ever come across in my life. Also, he is one of the funniest.

Next, I meet Ayisha, a cool seeming black chick.

I start work and Kelly asks me in his girly voice “So, Richard, what do you hope to get out of your experience here?” I reply “A paycheck”. My response came not only from my primary goal of working, but also from looking around the place it would be the only positive thing I’d be taking away from it. There was a row of eight computers networked together on a dialing system controlled by a computer in the marketing office. At first glance it’s obvious all of the equipment had been manufactured in the early 1980s and would scarcely be able to handle the original Oregon Trail for the Apple IIE.

So I begin to call people on this decades old computer that is assigned to me, lying to them (as I was told to do) about a “30% sale” we are having. The goal of the calls is to set up an appointment for a “company representative” to go out to their home and give them a “price quote down to the penny” on the product they are interested in. The company representative is actually the owner of the company and he goes out on these appointments to make it seem like they are sooooo important to him, in order to have them procure the product.

Kelly and Ayisha spend most of their times not making phone calls but talking to each other, eating corn chips, and singing gospel songs. Just like in the movies, one will start singing and the other would join in. I’ve never done any hallucinogenic drugs, but I know what it feels like from my time spent there.

From here on out the story only gets stranger….

(to be continued…)



  1. LMAO. Don’t make me wait as long for part 3!

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