Blood Diner (1987)

Movies like this are why I get up in the morning.  Blood Diner is a goofy 1987 horror comedy about  The Namtut Brothers (Micheal and George) , a couple of gourmet cooks following in the footsteps of their dead uncle Anwar in trying to bring back the ancient evil goddess Sheetar.

The film starts off with Anwar, fresh off a recent killing spree and cops in tow, stopping by the house to talk to his young nephews before he is apprehended.  In what should be a disturbing scene is played for laughs as Anwar tells the boys he has some business to take care of and that he loves them.  Before going outside to face his demise, he hands them the ancient amulet of Sheetar.

Flash forward 10 years, George and Micheal dig up their uncle’s body, killing a caretaker in the process.  They take Anwar’s eyes and brain and place in jar filled with water.  Anwar then talks to them and helps them plot the return of Sheetar by holding a feast using the body parts of vegetarians.  Oh, and they also have to use pieces of some of the victims to form a body for Sheetar to host.

Uncle Anwar

Thought I was making this up, didn’t ya?

This movie is AMAZING from an era when you got a lot of bang for that $1 green dot rental.  If you like South Park, well this kind of a long the same lines of humor.  Just completely stupid funny.  The best scene is when the brothers burst in a nude aerobics class (I would attend a nude aerobics class) donned in Ronald Regan masks and armed with machine guns.  There is also a rival chef who has a dummy hanging around his store for no apparent reason — much like everything in this damn movie, up to and including the wrestler with the Hitler mustache and swastika armband.   Oh, there is also a band that wears swastikas too.  The entire film exists in some strange fantasy world where a guy can pick up a girl by saying “Hey, how about telling me your name before I stick my big sausage in ya?”.

This is a world of which we all dream.

If you want to watch Blood Diner, the only way to do so is to buy it from me off E-Bay. It is totally worth it and you will never regret it.

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