So I got a free Redbox rental from playing the Monopoly game at McDonald’s and so I decided to cash it in last night and I ended up renting this movie. As a fan of the original, I was curious about this remake/re-imagining or whatever the hell you want to call it. I popped it in after work today to give it a whirl and felt strongly enough about what I saw to write a review of it.
The film starts out with a lot of promise. We have a stylish opening sequence where an infant is abducted from a hospital by the villains of the film. Flash forward a few years and we start the movie proper with Ike and Addley (mama’s boys) coming from a botched bank robbery where their baby bro Johnny was shot. So sad for him. Everyone is trying their hardest to rip off the car scene from Reservoir Dogs, and the guy playing Johnny spends the film still channeling Tim Roth’s performance from that film. Instead of calling Nice Guy Eddie and Joe Cabot, the two baddies call up their sister Lydia who is with Mother doing some bad shit or something. Mom is not happy.
Stuck in between all this is a house warming party for a couple joined by their friends Turns out that the house was once owned by the bad guys but was put on the market and bought by this couple. Ike and Addley have no idea about the house being bought and crash the party in a desperate attempt to save Johnny. And then bad things happen as Mother (Rebecca De Mornay) takes over.
Director Darren Lynn Bousman of Saw 2 – 4 fame tries to walk a line between class and exploitation with this one and fails miserably. The whole film is filled with people so horrible that it makes the film an exercise in cruelty. The victims are unsympathetic, and worse than that — stupid. They make huge blunders simply so the “plot” can have them be more and more degraded. At first watching the film, I liked it, then I suspended my disbelief that people could be so stupid out of habit for the short-comings of the genre. Then I got pissed off, but kept on watching. Then it got to the point where I checked the time to see how much was left, realized I’d lost 80 minutes of my life to this shit and had 30 minutes of the film left to subject myself to, and it was at this point I said “fuck this” and cut the movie off.
I’m sick of these little torture/home invasion films. I’m not a prude, I don’t mind violence, sadism or anything like that. What I take exception to is my intelligence being insulted and that’s what this film did.
One day I will make a short film called Second Amendment. A group of three thugs will try to break in a couple’s home to torture them in gruesome ways. We hear them talking about what a hot piece of ass the wife is and what they want to do to her. They plan what they will do with the money and how they will beat the shit out of the husband. They then break a window to get inside, crawl in through it, start to take a look around and turn around to see the man of the house looking back at them holding a .357 Magnum which he then unloads on the three thugs, blowing them to kingdom come.
Fade to black.
Fuck these movies.